99 Problems

when the brief actually calls for long copy

thisadvertisinglife:

Help Remedies Website

Tummy Problems

I have no shame (well, maybe a little), so I am not afraid to share with you my pain in my gut. For as long as u can remember, my stomach has hated me. I’ve been unable to keep food down or in without extreme pain, uncomfortable feelings, or the immediate need to run home from wherever I am.

I know, how are you going to find me remotely attractive when we get married? Fear not, Ryan Gosling, I will get better. And I keep the bathroom door closed (unless you like that sort of thing…you would, wouldn’t you?).

Anyways, this has gone on too long. So I am seeing a GI today. At 1:00, I’ll meet a lady who will soon know me better than my ex-boyfriends. And then? I’ll probably have to schedule a colonoscopy. The worst part of all this is, I’m alone. I know, I’m a brave little girl who moved to a new city not knowing anyone. What comes with that territory, though, is telling the best of my new friends to drive me and talk to the doctor after the procedure on her findings. Talk about a fast track to BFF-Dom. Anyways, I gotta run. Already late to work on account of my stomach.

Le sigh.

Humblies

Sometimes, we’re dealt shit to remind us we’re still alive. And how grateful we are for the moments that are the complete opposite of that shit. 

Summer wine in my winter mug.

Cupcake cabernet, chilled. 

“M” Monogrammed mug, old and chipped.

This child is living a new life, in a new city where all but 4 months ago, the new city’s residents were complete strangers I never dreamt of knowing. I’m in a new, exciting world.

Don’t cry, but—you’re nowhere in it. 

And I could give two shits, because I found love. 

Not “love” as in Valentine’s Day BS love. Just love. In me, for other people. Which I never thought was possible.So here’s to me, over wasting years pining for something I too good to have in the first place.

Cheers.

On to a less cryptic note:

This weekend, my life changed. I fell in love with a boy. A 7 lb, 52 cm boy. My best friend, the most awesomest, badassedest biffle, Anna, had Max Grim at 2:20 am Sunday morning. On a date, I got a message from Anna’s hubs. “Baby time dude.” Maybe it was the half bottle of cab, but I shot up and said “I have to go. I’m having- she’s having, we, the baby. I’ve gotta go.” It was 10:30pm and I could give two shits. My best friend needs me? Get the fuck outta my way!

I drove down to St. Louis Saturday night to be there for her when the little one was born. Sadly, I was two hours late because Anna apparently kicks major ass in labor. 20 pushes and that kid was out like Clay Aiken is outta the closet. Sure, I was bummed to miss seeing his face, missing the moment she held him for the first time. But as we waited to see her son again for what would be the second time in her life, Anna and I hung out. Her hubs, Lucas, (who, btw, is an incredible human being I’ve learned the past few days) was passed out on the Dad chair after all that excitement. We had the stark walls of the hospital room and uncomfortable furniture to ourselves. So, we watched TBS in the half lit room and just sat. She needed that… me. After all the craziness of her day, what better than to have a biff at your side, watching “Saved By the Bell” at 5 in the morning? At least, I like to think she needed that.

I can’t being to express how life-changing this weekend was for all of us (me, not as much, I know, trust. I only clean up after Cosmo’s poop). How fantastic it all was. How much love I feel for Anna, Lucas and little Max. How real their lives are now as a family. How beautifully shit-pants terrifying it is to bring a real-live-pant-shitting baby into this world.

Being back in Cincinnati, it’s hard. I want to be there for her; to let her know she’s okay, to give her a break every once in a while, to let her know she is the most beautiful, kind, and smart momma in the world, and to give her a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. Most of all, I want her kid to know how fucking awesome his momma is one day. I want to alwasy be in their lives. Always. Even if that means taking a 6 hour drive overnight to see my bestie. That’s what I’ll do.

If you ever stumble upon this, Anna, I hope you knew all of this without even finishing the last half of this post. You are my best fran, lady. Thank you for being one.

Jo March… Whatup?

The president of our company just quoted Louisa May Alcott, after dropping a few F-bombs. She’s also a spunky, petite ginger. I think she may be my new hero.