99 Problems

…deep into my new life as a copywriter at PWW. In that time, my portfolio has doubled:

I’ve developed a mobile ad game, ran the copy-end of 2 mobile and 2 desktop sites from kickoff to sign-off, worked on 2 Facebook apps, and have written countless Facebook posts as a snarky, nighttime cough cold & flu medicine and a warm, nostalgic voice of a historic brand. I’ve acted in a few videos and even voiced a reindeer. 

What I’m trying to say is… I made a good move. I was in a city I loved, but my career felt like it was at a standstill. I was stifled. I needed a change. And then I got the call that changed my life forever. I’m in love with my job, I’m in love with my independent self, and, well, I’m in love, too. Don’t worry, he has facial hair.

What I think every young person should do at least once in their life is make a move. Shake up the norm. Flip to the cool side of the pillow. Embrace a new perspective on life.

You don’t need to leave your country, city, or even neighborhood. But leave something behind. Whether it’s your fear of trying out new things, or your overly harsh self-criticism. Stretch yourself. Do something that impresses the most important person in your life. You.

thisadvertisinglife:

I have no shame (well, maybe a little), so I am not afraid to share with you my pain in my gut. For as long as u can remember, my stomach has hated me. I’ve been unable to keep food down or in without extreme pain, uncomfortable feelings, or the immediate need to run home from wherever I am.

I know, how are you going to find me remotely attractive when we get married? Fear not, Ryan Gosling, I will get better. And I keep the bathroom door closed (unless you like that sort of thing…you would, wouldn’t you?).

Anyways, this has gone on too long. So I am seeing a GI today. At 1:00, I’ll meet a lady who will soon know me better than my ex-boyfriends. And then? I’ll probably have to schedule a colonoscopy. The worst part of all this is, I’m alone. I know, I’m a brave little girl who moved to a new city not knowing anyone. What comes with that territory, though, is telling the best of my new friends to drive me and talk to the doctor after the procedure on her findings. Talk about a fast track to BFF-Dom. Anyways, I gotta run. Already late to work on account of my stomach.

Le sigh.

Sometimes, we’re dealt shit to remind us we’re still alive. And how grateful we are for the moments that are the complete opposite of that shit. 

Cupcake cabernet, chilled. 

“M” Monogrammed mug, old and chipped.

This child is living a new life, in a new city where all but 4 months ago, the new city’s residents were complete strangers I never dreamt of knowing. I’m in a new, exciting world.

Don’t cry, but—you’re nowhere in it. 

And I could give two shits, because I found love. 

Not “love” as in Valentine’s Day BS love. Just love. In me, for other people. Which I never thought was possible.So here’s to me, over wasting years pining for something I too good to have in the first place.

Cheers.

On to a less cryptic note:

This weekend, my life changed. I fell in love with a boy. A 7 lb, 52 cm boy. My best friend, the most awesomest, badassedest biffle, Anna, had Max Grim at 2:20 am Sunday morning. On a date, I got a message from Anna’s hubs. “Baby time dude.” Maybe it was the half bottle of cab, but I shot up and said “I have to go. I’m having- she’s having, we, the baby. I’ve gotta go.” It was 10:30pm and I could give two shits. My best friend needs me? Get the fuck outta my way!

I drove down to St. Louis Saturday night to be there for her when the little one was born. Sadly, I was two hours late because Anna apparently kicks major ass in labor. 20 pushes and that kid was out like Clay Aiken is outta the closet. Sure, I was bummed to miss seeing his face, missing the moment she held him for the first time. But as we waited to see her son again for what would be the second time in her life, Anna and I hung out. Her hubs, Lucas, (who, btw, is an incredible human being I’ve learned the past few days) was passed out on the Dad chair after all that excitement. We had the stark walls of the hospital room and uncomfortable furniture to ourselves. So, we watched TBS in the half lit room and just sat. She needed that… me. After all the craziness of her day, what better than to have a biff at your side, watching “Saved By the Bell” at 5 in the morning? At least, I like to think she needed that.

I can’t being to express how life-changing this weekend was for all of us (me, not as much, I know, trust. I only clean up after Cosmo’s poop). How fantastic it all was. How much love I feel for Anna, Lucas and little Max. How real their lives are now as a family. How beautifully shit-pants terrifying it is to bring a real-live-pant-shitting baby into this world.

Being back in Cincinnati, it’s hard. I want to be there for her; to let her know she’s okay, to give her a break every once in a while, to let her know she is the most beautiful, kind, and smart momma in the world, and to give her a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. Most of all, I want her kid to know how fucking awesome his momma is one day. I want to alwasy be in their lives. Always. Even if that means taking a 6 hour drive overnight to see my bestie. That’s what I’ll do.

If you ever stumble upon this, Anna, I hope you knew all of this without even finishing the last half of this post. You are my best fran, lady. Thank you for being one.

The president of our company just quoted Louisa May Alcott, after dropping a few F-bombs. She’s also a spunky, petite ginger. I think she may be my new hero. 

Being alone.

I find no shame in being single. I find shame in being ashamed of saying I’m single.

When you’re trying to make it on your own, it seems the entire rest of the world and their mother has someone. I know half of those relationships are futureless, toxic, even. But everybody’s got somebody.

I’m sure I could take the leap and fall into a dead-end relationship. But I keep asking myself, why push it? This is a pivotal moment in my life- either I make it on my own, or I fall into a loveless routine of self deprecation.

But this living on my own thing… It’s great. For the first time in my life- I make my own rules. I eat dessert for breakfast and dinner for dessert. Adhere to a false sense of contentment… thinking I’m not stuck. Jeff Buckley plays through my head. “Too young to hold on, too old to just break free and run.” 

(This was written the day I first interviewed with Possible back in July. It feels so surreal to me now. I’m not sure how I even functioned at that moment in my life. All I know is, I don’t regret anything. I’m anything but stuck.)

Maybe I’m jumping the gun, but I’m already in love with the new year. Hope you all are, too.

And remember: resolutions are just goals destined to change by February. Don’t be so hard on yourself this year. Just be good to you.

Xxoo
Mitch

Seriously. In the rush of getting to my flight back to Cincinnati from the Fort Lauderdale Airport, I accidentally left my Urban Outfitters BDG cigarette high-waisted jeans in Bubbie’s dryer. For a 4’9, 90 lb pixie, those uber-soft, stretchy jeans seem to be magic on me. No alterations; the perfect fit. They’re being shipped to me as we speak… but I’m devastated without them.

As for my heart… well, that’s another story. One that doesn’t have such an easy resolve. Or a happy ending. But it’s a total romcom holiday movie in the making. We’ll just have to see what happens…

Cable box: “Lady, your TV is NOT working with me here.”

Me, aggravated at this blank TV screen: “Sorry. I thought this 20-inch Norcent for sure had 1080p.” 

Cable box: “With a TV named Norcent? …Bitches be trippin.”

Me: “Screw you, inanimate object owned by a piece of shit corporation with a terrible support service and ungodly high fees!” 

Cable Box: Screw you, lady that keeps that stupid candle on top of my vents. Why do I have to smell like perfume or some shit? And you shouldn’t be sassy with me: you should see what your cat does when you’re at work!”

Me: “Don’t tell me my business! I’ll drop you in the bathtub!”

Cable Box: “I’ll drop all your channels! Oh wait— I have been the past month or so. I’m sorry. On behalf of all Cincinnati Bell, I’m so sorry.”

——

Sigh. This—This is what happens when you live alone. You find yourself trying to fix things and breaking them. So then your shitty cable provider’s equipment becomes subject for a conversation you play out in your mind. 

I’m quitting my cable tomorrow. 87.00 more in my pocket each month, anyways.

But I’m too lazy to change it. So deal with it.